Breathing through me, as though I sway with it like a tree, with my feet rooted.
Surrender.
To the grief of loss.
To the changes in my body.
The stretches, the bumps, the rolls,
The new shape, the new softness.
To the slow flow of realisations.
To the fast change in priorities,
but the slow shift in identities.
Surrender.
To the pace of pregnancy,
the pace of those final weeks,
slowly plodding on.
To the birth, as everything unfurls in surprise.
To the pace of a new-born. My life on someone else's clock.
Slow, slowly, and slower yet.
To the cold coffees, and the urgent needs.
Surrender.
To the change,
feeling the abrasive conflict the world creates as it pulls,
wrenches me out of my slow state,
rushes me around with doctors and nurses.
The dishes, the laundry, the pull of my humdrum existence,
and societal pressures and expectations,
and whenever I start to feel overwhelmed,
or I try to put her down to sleep to I can catch up on mundane tasks,
instead I feel mesmerised by her eyes into one long cuddle,
I surrender to her guidance and I hold her. It is there I find peace. I forget these false systems that distract us from peace.
It is in this surrender, this slow rhythm, that I find myself once again.
To surrender to these moments has been my biggest lesson, my biggest blessing.
I surrender.
I wrote this when my daughter was around six months old and when I found it I was brought right back to those moments. To that version of myself. The new mother. Mothering my baby and myself.
In a world that pushes us to do more, be more, and perfect every detail, I've found peace in surrender.
As I let go of people-pleasing and perfectionism, I've discovered the power of setting boundaries and embracing the natural flow of life. Motherhood has taught me that true strength lies in surrendering to the present moment, to the slow pace, the changes, and the unexpected twists.
Through this surrender, I've found calm amidst the chaos, a deeper connection with my child, and a reminder that the most profound growth happens not in control, but in letting go.
May we all find the courage to surrender, to breathe, and to trust that peace is waiting for us on the other side.
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